To liberate. There is a lot of weight attached to this infinitive. BIG events come to mind, like Moses and the Hebrews’ exodus from Egypt or the African American civil rights movement of the 1950s and 60s. After all, “to liberate” is to “set free, set at liberty; to free, release from (something).” That is straight up according to the OED.
Liberation is mighty. Liberation is major. It changes lives and transforms worlds. Therefore, it is counter-intuitive to recognize that as a woman, shaving one’s head also falls into this realm.
But it does.
Allow me to demonstrate. Recently, I had the great honor of shaving my friend, Monica’s hair, (down to a number 4 for those keeping track). Having shaved off my own hair twice (and then halfway for a third time when I got my mohawk), I was seriously energized and excited to share in another woman’s experience. So, in the middle of my brother’s apartment, in the midst of a party, we brought the razor out and began.
You could tell she was nervous, and who wouldn’t be? Almost every male around her was discouraging it. Their reasoning? In their eyes, her beauty was on the line. Her femininity was at stake. Her cultural perception and social acceptance were about to be radically twisted. In those minutes I heard more than one too many lesbian jokes. And, way too many negative comments. I don’t care about the honesty. I love honest opinions. I care about the way in which they were honest. It was frustrating to the point of anger. Poor Monica, surrounded by friends and not one guy offering support. None of those guys chose to stand up and be a man. They were all boys choosing to let market-driven media shape their definition of womanhood and beauty. Instead of living in this world, they were being of it. I do not condemn them, but I will judge them.
To my utmost appreciation, there were several real men present at the party who recognized that hair is only hair, and Monica’s choice should be respected. They understood that personal growth and learning trumped head-turning any day.
When the deed was done, many guys continued to be immature boys. Monica took it so gracefully. (While I continued to be livid in their direction). The comments I was hearing were too similar to ones I had heard aimed my direction last spring when I shaved my own head. Being “unbeautiful,” or “not looking like a girl” was everyone’s biggest concern. But, she looked amazing. She really did. And she isn’t a girl, but a woman, as her conduct that night revealed. Plus, this is so much bigger than appearances. This is about challenging the world to redefine stereotypes. This is about acknowledging diversity in beauty. This is about making a statement. It’s about encouraging free expression. If shaving one’s head makes one unbeautiful, it isn’t worth having long hair. That kind of beauty is so blind to integration of body and soul. This is about female liberation. Even if that liberation is routed in freeing oneself from the hair on top of one’s head.
I was not with Moses, nor was I alive in the 50s or 60s for such civil rights movements. But, I proudly live in solidarity with Monica. I dare to say that shaving my head has been the most liberating event of my 18 years of life. And, the OED recognizes this; an alternate definition equates "to liberate" as to "free from social or male-dominated, etc., conventions."
Monica, congratulations, we are free of this convention. We are demanding more from our men and from our culture. We are liberated women.
Monica, a proud and beautiful woman dancing in her new 'do.
"Joy is the best makeup" --Anne Lamott
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I have to admit, I really barely remember September 5, 2004. At the time, it didn't seem significant enough to post priority in my memory bank. What I vividly recall is September 5, 2005- the one year anniversary of our infamous "don't shave your legs!" dare. At the time, I really hadn't thought much of it- at least I hadn't expected it to go nearly as far as it has. At the ages of 13 and 14, we'd only submitted to the "smooth legs" right-of-passage for a couple years. It still felt mature and grown-up to be able to conduct such behavior- it was still a privilege, our way of saying to the world, "We aren't kids anymore, we have silky smooth legs!" Nowadays it seems more humorous and juvenile than socially elevating. Within that first year, I had several people come up to me, wide-eyed in disbelief, asking if it was true that Liz Horne didn't shave her legs! Some faces scrunched up in disgust and disapproval. Others took on a condescending grin, even laughter. But no matter what their reaction was, their response was always the same- why. At first, feeling bombarded, I merely laughed insecurely and said it was a joke, stemming from a dare. But the longer it progressed, the more defensive I became. Why should she? It's her legs. Her prerogative. Her style. Her choice. For a while, I even used the lines, "if you knew her, you'd understand." But even that didn't seem to suit my own logic. As the years progressed and my maturity developed beyond pointing to my silky smooth legs and into wisdom and experience, I finally began to realize that the issue wasn't (and should not have been) that you had deviated from social norms and expectations, the issue was people's reactions. The day I realized that, I finally earned my right-of-passage toward adulthood. I gained an infinite respect for you- for taking the blow that should be aimed at your peers rather than at your body. So when you shaved your head, I wasn't shocked or surprised like most of the kids at our school, and I didn't laugh nervously when people asked me why you did it. Instead, I talked about how beautiful you looked and how proud I was of you. And this blog explains exactly why.
ReplyDeleteSo, really, I should thank you. I should thank you for teaching me the most valuable lesson I have ever learned. No classroom, book, 5,000 word essay, parent, teacher, professor, or any amount of studying could even begin to match the worth of what you have taught me as both a woman and a friend. So for that, thank you. I hope you never forget that despite the judgements, the harsh words, and the disapproval of popular society, there are so many people who respect, support, and love you as a true representative of what a woman should be.
love it Liz - as always.
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, I totally condone the mohawk and the shave. I will say that again. First and foremost I condone the head shave. You should never bow to society when it is what you believe, and it hurts no one. Our heart is our god-given (or Darwin or whom or whatever you believe) compass, and we must respect it. “Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.” Especially among youth, the fear of going against the trend is rampant. It makes for “timid souls,” and such people, in my opinion, get little out of life.
ReplyDeleteI want, however, to point out a few things, hopefully without conveying anything contrary to what I have already said.
First, some people who criticize you care for you. Often people are determined to do something public and are unpleasantly surprised by the derision they receive as a result. I know some of your initial critics were not opposed to the shave because of how their view of you would change; rather, they feared the fire YOU would take by the rest of society. I for the record, as I hope you remember, always knew you had the gumption to take the heat. In fact I believe you thrive cracking skulls with society’s hypocrisies and shallow perceptions. Just please hold criticism of those looking out for you. Not everyone is ready to swim against the river or understands how strong a stroke you have.
Second I would like to discuss your comments on “honest opinion”, especially in regards to beauty. We are human, especially us guys. We have an opinion about physical beauty. We will never be able to rid ourselves fully of it. It may seem animal-like, but such impulses are also human. Asking us to get rid of our own particular conceptions of physical beauty is asking us to be perfect. We weren’t meant for that standard. The standard we have to meet is respect for your decision and an open mind to physical beauty. This means that guys that deride you in any form should walk in shame. Thus far however, this particular discussion is completely separate of inner beauty. The kind that, to sound Freudian, resides in our “superego.” That kind beauty should never change with physical appearance, and VERY IMPORTANTLY any true relationship is based it. We may never rid ourselves of a physical conception of beauty, but we sure as heck better define our relationships with a higher form.
In the end my distinctions are tiny ones, and you are spot on and standing tall.
"I dare to say that shaving my head has been the most liberating event of my 18 years of life."
ReplyDeleteBaptism?
"If shaving one’s head makes one unbeautiful, it isn’t worth having long hair."
ReplyDeleteThis. Is. So. Profound.
But then again, so are you.
And I really really really am upset by the comments people make equating short hair to lacking femininity, especially because they're not too far removed from the unrealistic and dangerous demands that are placed on our bodies, that have hurt countless girls and women over generations because they can't fit into the "idealized" mold--which is not ideal at all.
Props to this post! You're awesome Liz; I'm so glad that you think the way you do. The conversation we had on REACH was eye-opening for me, as is this post. This is a very real way to see the true hearts of others, and to begin to help people change those hearts. Keep on challenging men; we need it.
ReplyDelete-Daniel P
one of the many reasons i love you.
ReplyDeleteLiz!
ReplyDeleteAnd this is one of the gestures of saints: take away what a portion of society says is beautiful, and you'll have one fewer thing tying you down to the world.
Thanks for being a lot braver and stronger than me this way.